


Walk Through the Wreckage (Clear Out My Head)

by GreenFire66



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: (Minor)ADHD-like symptoms, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Disorder, First Dates, Fjord is a cinnamon roll, I swear this isn't a coffee shop AU, M/M, Mention of Vitiligo, Social Anxiety, good bois
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 14:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19359064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenFire66/pseuds/GreenFire66
Summary: “You did not,” Beau had said the next day, her tone shockingly calm as she watched Fjord take a sip of his cappuccino. When he met her with silence, she leaned in. “You seriously used a pickup line?”Fjord’s head slid into his palms with a sigh, and took comfort in the darkness that eased up his senses. “Can we focus on the good here?”“Yeah, sure,” Beau cracked her fingers instinctively, though stopped when Fjord flinched at the noise. “Sorry. Anyways,” she leaned back into the chair. “When are you two meeting up?”“Meeting up?” Fjord reflected, glancing back up at her with a raised eyebrow.-Or, Fjord meets Caleb on Tindr, and the two slowly work their way to a first date.





	Walk Through the Wreckage (Clear Out My Head)

**Author's Note:**

> It's late but it's here! Prompt 6 of Widofjord week: Modern AU!  
> This fic went... longer than intended. But that's okay, because this fic was a blessing to write and I hope I did the original idea justice.  
> HUGE shout out to https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentBuzzkill/pseuds/AgentBuzzkill for all of her help with editing and tossing around ideas. I don't think this fic would be here without ya.
> 
> [Fic Title Based On "Joy" by Bastille]

"Venti Iced White Mocha Latte, two pumps," the barista's voice carried over the early-afternoon hubbub of the coffee shop. Fjord grabbed the drink with a courteous nod before pivoting on his heel and walking towards the counter where Beau sat.

"Hope this is as urgent as your text made it sound, Fjord," Beau started with a touch of worry, contrary to the words she was saying. "Made me leave the arms of a strapping lass early this morning just to meet you here."

"I texted you at ten?"

"Early this morning," Beau parroted with a sip of her espresso. 

"Right," and Fjord felt the social anxiety already crawling in. Too many noises, too many people. Every direction his eyes tried to look, he found something new that pulled his attention. "Anyways." Fjord fumbled with the phone in his pocket, his fingers idly trailing along the side, and he resisted the urge to bury his face in the screen as a distraction. "Caleb and I met up for lunch yesterday.”

And Beau leaned in, almost conspiratorial in nature. "Oh? Go on."

Fjord sighed. The whole thing reminded him of the first time he told Beau about Caleb, when he was telling her about the first time they’d interacted.

***

Fjord made his way around the crack in the sidewalk that still hadn’t been dealt with as he rounded the corner. One flight of stairs later, and he was turning the key in the door knob as he entered.

The AC in his building was hardly any cooler than the warm spring air outside. With a sigh, he dropped his backpack onto the floor and wedged his shoes off. Like clockwork he turned on the wax burner, clicked his phone to the white noise app, sat down on the single-seat sofa.

And breathed.

Slowly Fjord felt his body unwind, felt the tension roll off of him, and his mind began to cast aside the stress of going outside. Of people. Of living.

Two minutes later the white noise track ended, and Fjord opened his eyes.

As he settled back to reality, Fjord glanced to the notifications on his phone. Four, in total.

The weather app. A crisp 78 degrees. Slight breeze. Potential rain tomorrow.

Facebook messenger. An image attachment. Specifically, a meme from Jester.

Calendar reminder. Set for this evening. He needed to set aside his weekly anxiety medicine for tomorrow.

And Tinder. He had a match.

He blinked. Then blinked again.

Fjord shot up in his seat as he opened the app. 

It wasn’t as though he never got a match, but if he was honest with himself he hadn’t opened the app in a long time. Couple of weeks, easily.

The ‘You Matched’ text flicked across the screen, and his profile picture was placed next to another. A picture far more breathtaking.

The image of auburn hair graced his screen. Blue eyes. A color different than the sky, touched by the purest of clouds, or the beach waters he swam in as a teen.

A different blue. More beautiful.

He was dressed in a sweater vest worn over top a short-sleeved button-up shirt. He sat at a desk, and the books that were scattered in carts in the background of the picture suggested a library of some sort.

A librarian. He was adorable and a librarian. 

And they  _ matched _ .  

Fjord sat up with a jolt. He’d been staring at the screen for a solid couple of minutes. They matched, the app said they did. Fjord should message him, should message-

Caleb Widogast.

Fjord’s hands stilled on the phone’s keyboard. His mind a blank.

_ Been staring at your profile picture for minutes now. _

_ You’re beautiful. _

_ Wanna grab some coffee? _

Each idea came and left, and Fjord’s mind was an incoherent mess that hadn’t realized he was typing until he hit the ‘Send’ button and stared in absolute horror at the message that displayed on the screen.

**You dropped something.**

He… he sent that. His brain defaulted to a stupid joke of a pickup line he came up with at three in the morning one night while staring at the ceiling. There was hardly a moment for his brain to process the message before there was a response.

**?**

And, honestly, Fjord was grateful that he was at least being given that chance. He would not have faulted Caleb in the slightest for leaving his ass on ‘Seen’ and moving onto to other, better fish in the Tinder sea.

With a shaky sigh that failed to stabilize him, Fjord’s thumbs went back to the keyboard.

**Your standards.**

Send.

**Name’s Fjord. Nice to meet ya.**

Send.

Fjord sighed as he dropped the phone onto the couch and leaned back against the cushions. It had been a good couple of seconds of knowing Caleb. He rubbed his hands into his eyes, pressing against the sockets as though the pressure could turn back time. 

The phone vibrated next to him. 

No words, but a laughing emoji, the one with tears coming out of the corner of the eyes and Fjord grinned into his phone screen. A bubble popped up under the emoji, indicating that Caleb was still typing, before a new message popped up.

**“You sell yourself short. You’re quite the handsome guy.”**

Fjord blushed. He could feel his cheeks tighten as his lips were unable to suppress a smile.

**“Flattery will get you far, believe me.”**

**“I’ll keep that in mind.”**

***

“You did not,” Beau had said the next day, her tone shockingly calm as she watched Fjord take a sip of his cappuccino. When he met her with silence, she leaned in. “You seriously used a pickup line?” 

Fjord’s head slid into his palms with a sigh, and took comfort in the darkness that eased up his senses. “Can we focus on the good here?”

“Yeah, sure,” Beau cracked her fingers instinctively, though stopped when Fjord flinched at the noise. “Sorry. Anyways,” she leaned back into the chair. “When are you two meeting up?”

“Meeting up?” Fjord reflected, glancing back up at her with a raised eyebrow.

She stared at him.

“Uh,” She raised a hand slightly off the table, the look she gave him sent a clear message of ‘ _ the fuck?’ _ . “Yeah? You said the messages went well. So when are you two meeting up? Grabbin’ lunch or coffee or some shit? I don’t know?”

Fjord blinked. “I uh,” his hand rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not letting my hopes get that high.”

“Fjord!” Beau admonished with a light smack at his arm. Not enough to hurt, not enough to jarr his mental state. “C’mon man, you can’t do this to yourself.”

“Do what to myself?”

“The self-deprecating bullshit!” Beau replied forcefully. She shot a glare out of the corner of her eyes when the individual at the table behind them coughed. The student behind Beau continued her typing, and Beau begrudgingly lowered her volume. “Look, you like him, right?”

“We spoke five sentences to each other, Beau.”

“You think he’s attractive, right?”

“Very,” Fjord replied, his mind caught on the strands of red that flowed down into a simple ponytail tied behind his neck in the picture. The small, lithe, form.

Those eyes and their incomparable shade of blue.

“And he finds you attractive. He swiped,” she added, as if reciting a fundamental fact of life. “So, now you two just need to bone.”

Fjord choked into his drink, setting the cup down with a thud that was louder than he intended as he wiped his mouth with the back of his wrist.

“Beau, no.” 

“Look, all I'm-”

“I need to take this slow, Beau.” Fjord’s hand moved over his other wrist, his thumb lightly scratching the surface. “I can’t… I can only handle so much change at once. You know that.”

“You know that I know, Fjord,” she replied. “Sorry.”

Fjord offered a small smile.

***

**So what do you do for a living?**

It was the day after he had met up with Beau, or two days after he and Caleb first messaged each other, and Fjord was only now able to read the message Caleb had sent him an hour ago.

**Odds and ends.** Fjord typed back between bites of his cold cut.  **Right now I’ve got a contract with construction and a labor job with a moving company.**

He reread his message after he sent it. Maybe he should’ve been more vague. Probably should’ve been more vague. 

His life sounded even more boring over text.

**You’ve certainly got the physicality to show it.**

His foot started tapping against the pavement as he typed.

**Thanks, but-** Fjord sighed. What was he even typing? What was the plan with his messages? Deleting his draft, he tried again.  **Thanks. You work in a library, right?**

Fjord wiped his hands against his work pants to clean off the bread crumbs. Three minutes left on his break.

**Yeah. The public library near where Empire Academy is. I'm an author too, but the library is a more… stable income.**

Fjord swallowed air.  **You published any yet? Would love to read one.**

_ Would love to be able to read one.  _ Fjord's brain bitterly added. He shook his head as he stood up.

**Come visit me at work sometime, and I'll show you myself.**

***

It was a bad habit and he knew it.

Fjord stared at his reflection in the mirror, his finger lightly tracing the Vitiligo-induced blotches of lighter-colored skin that formed on the lower half of his face.

Slowly he removed his shirt, eyes never turned away from the mirror as he stared at his chest. Much too similar to his face, to his continued disappointment. 

_ "For some individuals, the immune system will correct itself overtime."  _ The pediatrician responsible for his yearly check-ups at the orphanage had explained.

Fjord sighed. As if even one thing in his life could go right.

His phone buzzed next to him, and Fjord unlocked the screen with a lazy thumb swipe.

Notification reminder about his weekly anxiety medicine.

Fjord sat up with a stretch, yawning as he felt his joints  _ pop _ slightly in protest. He stared at his phone as he made his way over to the kitchen. 

Fjord's brain turned off during the process of getting the pill and setting it aside for tomorrow. As he made his way to the bedroom, Fjord glanced at his phone.

And blinked. He must've tapped the app while taking care of his pill, because Fjord found himself staring at the chat log with Caleb.

He sat down on his bed. 

_ We should meet up. Lunch, my treat? _

_ Smart and handsome? You sure you're not out of my league? _

_ Did you swipe the wrong way when you saw my picture? _

Fjord slammed his phone on the bedside table before turning his back as he laid down, eyes shut in frustration rather than tiredness as he forced himself to sleep.

***

Fjord awoke to a tear-stained pillow and a dead cell phone. Cursing under his breath, he plugged in his phone and walked over to the oven clock. 

Quarter past seven. His work shift started fifteen minutes ago.

"Shit."

 

He slammed the door with his foot when he got home that evening. 

Minutes later, Fjord was listening to the microwave, letting the constant sounds guide him through his deep breathing. Once his leftovers were done, he grabbed the plate and headed to the bedroom to grab his cell phone off the charger.

Fjord turned the phone on, blankly staring at the company logo display on the screen as he took a bite of the rice dish.

 A couple of notifications buzzed his phone, but one grabbed his attention in particular.

_ Caleb _ . From this morning.

**This might be a bit forward of me, but I have a longer lunch break today. Would you care to grab lunch together?**

Fjord clenched his empty hand. 

**Shit, sorry Caleb.** He typed, and of course he would fuck up this bad.  **Didn’t charge my phone last night, so it was dead at the house throughout the day. I just got off work.**

Fjord tapped the side of his phone. He messed up. Ruined what little chance he may have had with Caleb. He-

His phone vibrated, and he glanced down.

**That’s quite alright.** He was still typing.  **If you had a busy day it was probably for the better.**

**Just work.** Fjord flicked through his work schedule for the next couple of days. **My afternoon is free this upcoming Tuesday. That work for you? We can work out the details that day.**

**Sounds like a plan.**

***

“C’mon, Fjord! You have to pick something.”

Fjord stared at the two shirts, one in each hand. He held them up to his chest, alternating between the navy blue collared polo and the red and black button up.

“I don’t know, Jes’. You know fashion ain’t my…” And through the mirror, he could see Jester frown slightly, and he stopped himself short. With a huff he turned his attention back to the shirts.

“This is  _ your _ date, Fjord. You should be excited!”

“Think I’m too nervous to be excited,” he called over his shoulder. He gripped the hangers tighter as he continued to alternate the shirts.

He would need to wear an undershirt with the button up, did he have one at the house that matched? Plus it’d be another layer, and the last thing he needed was to be sporting a pair of sweat stains during his first date with Caleb. But the polo-

“Fjord,” Jester tapped his shoulder gently, and he turned his head over his shoulder to look at her. She gave him a look, and it took his brain a couple of seconds to process.

He loosened his jaw. Took a breath as he pulled his teeth apart to stop their grinding.

“Thanks, Jester.”

“You’re very handsome, Fjord,” Jester started as she walked back to the chair. “And charming. And kind. Anyone would be stupid to turn you down.”

His brain flashed back to Jester’s confession, years ago, when Fjord was still figuring himself out socially. Back then he said he wasn’t interested in a relationship. It wasn’t until later that he was comfortable admitting to both Jester and himself that he simply didn’t have those feelings for women.

If only he were straight and things were simple.

“You mind if we check the aisles again?” Fjord asked. He turned away from the mirror to face her.

Jester nodded enthusiastically as she stood up. Fjord smiled.

***

Fjord turned the shower off, pulling the curtain back just enough to blindly reach for a towel. Once he wasn’t dripping water he stepped out, continuing to dry himself off as he entered the bedroom to look at his phone and check the time.

_ 10:12 _ , his phone notified. And also a message from Caleb.

He dried his hand on his bed sheet before swiping his phone screen.

**Fjord, I apologize but I have to cancel today’s plan. Frumpkin got sick and I had to take him to the vet.**

Fjord blinked, then reread the message. As he did so, a second message appeared.

**Ah, Frumpkin is my cat.**

_ Fuckin’ cats.  _ Fjord huffed. Not a deal breaker, just a nuisance.

**No worries. We can reschedule. Just keep me posted.**

Fjord’s eyes glanced to the jacket that hung up in his closet. Tags still attached to the collar, unzipped from when Fjord had taken it off after trying it on.

He liked how he looked in it. Or at least, enough to wince only slightly at the price tag. Slightly higher than he had intended to purchase but… Jester thought he looked good in it, and he thought he looked decent.

He had hoped Caleb would think likewise.

He dried his hair as he walked to the drawer to throw on his work clothes. He had a couple of hours before his afternoon shift started.

_ Takeout it is _ , Fjord decided as he pressed the speed dial.

***

 “He ditched ya for his cat?” Beau asked, a disapproving look evident on her face. 

“The thing was sick, Beau,” Fjord replied as he took a sip of his drink to clear his thoughts. “Not exactly his fault.”

“Whipped cream,” Beau stated. And Fjord wiped his upper lip at the realization of her words. “I don’t know man, it just seems awfully… coincidental.”

“Caleb didn’t flake on me, Beau.”

_ Unless he did. _

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Beau huffed. “Sorry, I just… I’ll kill him if he hurts you.”

Fjord shook his head as he set his cup down. “Appreciate it, Beau. But let me at least meet the man before you sharpen your knives.”

“Knives? I got my fists.”

And Fjord felt the phone vibrate in his pocket. “Time check,” Fjord claimed as he got the phone out of his pocket.

Ten minutes before Beau needed to head out for class.

Also one message from Caleb.

“Shit,” Fjord mumbled, staring at his phone before looking back to Beau. “Sorry, one sec’.”

“Go for it.”

**Fjord, I apologize about yesterday.**

**Not your fault. Don’t apologize.** Fjord took a sip as he hit ‘Send’. Then quickly added,  **How’s the cat?**

**Vet believes he ate a mouse that was sick itself. Passed it along. He should be fine, just needs some rest.** The bubbles showed up, and Fjord glanced to Beau who looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Caleb.”

“No shit.” 

**Regardless, this is not about my cat. I wanted to see when we could reschedule, if you were still amenable.**

Beau takes a sip, as though expecting him to continue with their dialogue. When he responds with silence, she moves her hand in the universal ‘go on’ sign.  

“He’s asking to reschedule. If I’m still okay with it.”

“Are you?” And Fjord nods. Of course he is. He’s surprised Caleb is but- “Then tell him that.”

**Yeah, what day?**

**Friday? I don’t have a shift at all that day, we could make it a longer lunch date.**

_ Date. _

Fjord had a morning shift for the moving company, but he could call in sick.

**Let’s do that.**

***

“Deep breaths, Fjord,” Fjord said aloud, hands still firmly on the wheel despite being parked outside the cafe. “Just an introduction. You’ll be fine. What’s the worst that could happen?”

And that was an awful question to ask, since about twenty different answers came to mind.

He glanced at the time on the car radio.  _ 11:58 _ . He should probably head in.

Fjord turned the car off, tucking the key in his pocket as he stood up and locked the car behind him. With an exhale he took a step forward, which led to the next, until he was opening the door and nearly jumped at the chime of the bell above him. 

The cafe was small, smaller than the coffee shop that he and Beau frequented. Fjord could see the entire café from the entrance, and his vision quickly latched onto one individual.

Auburn hair, tied up in a ponytail, turned at the sound of the door opening. Caleb was wearing a short sleeve shirt with a patterned sweater vest overtop of it. Rounded glasses were layered over those eyes that Fjord was already losing himself in once more.

With an exhale that eased into a smile, Fjord walked forward.

Caleb’s gaze followed him, and Fjord’s smile turned into sweaty hands and a nervous laughter once he approached.

“Howdy,” Fjord greeted with a head nod that felt awkwardly stiff as he sat down across from Caleb.

“ _ Hallo _ ,” Caleb replied. “Pleasure to meet you, Fjord,” and Fjord’s heart flipped at the accent.

“Yeah, likewise,” Fjord resisted the urge to duck his head, and he found himself wanting to look up and forward and meet Caleb’s gaze with his own.

The sound of his foot rapidly tapping against the floor filled his ear.

“Have you been here before?” Fjord asked. “It’s awfully close to the library, isn’t it?”

“Mhm, I’ve come here on occasion. Usually just by myself though.”

Fjord nodded. Silence crept on them, and Fjord’s brain pushed through the anxiety and doubts that crawled upwards in a desperate attempt to think of what to say.

He got nothing out, however, before the waiter walked forward and placed two menus in front of them.

“Can I get you gentlemen started with something to drink?”

They both glanced at each other, as if waiting for the other to go first. Fjord gestured for Caleb to go.

“Erm, just a cup of coffee, please. One creamer, no sugar.”

“Sweet tea.” 

The waiter nodded, “I’ll give you a couple of minutes to decide what you want to eat."

The waiter turned and walked off towards a different table. Fjord's eyes flicked back to Caleb to find him staring back, his chin resting on his palm as he smiled softly at Fjord, and Fjord's stomach twisted even tighter into itself.

_ Gods he's gorgeous.  _

"So are you from this area, Fjord?"

"Not… not really." 

_ Orphanage. _

_ Foster homes. _

_ Homelessness. _

"Moved here when I got the chance. Just wanted to explore, y'know?"

And Caleb's focus seemed to narrow at that. Fjord instinctively looked away from the attention, and quickly tried to look around, as if for the waiter.

"Understandable," Caleb replied. Fjord looked back to find no judgement, no critical analysis, but rather a nod and simple smile. 

Fjord blinked. Shoulders he hadn't even realized were tense relaxed under Caleb's easy-going expression. "What about you?" Fjord asked cautiously. Caleb's attention perked up from the menu, and, shit, Fjord hadn't even thought about food.

"Am I from here?" Caleb asked in response to the question, and Fjord nodded. Caleb shook his head. “I moved here when I went to college. Been here ever since. Grew up in a small farming town before then.”

“What’d you study?”

“Physics,” Caleb replied with a lazy shrug.

Fjord blinked.

“Ph-physics?” 

“ _ Ja _ .” Caleb’s expression remained stoic as he continued. “I didn’t graduate though. Dropped out after… stuff happened.”

And Fjord understood the meaning behind ‘stuff’. Or at least knew that that was a topic that Caleb didn’t want to discuss on a first date.

“So did you pick up the interest in books during college then? Y’know, your writing?”

Caleb’s eyes lifted up at the question with a growing smile that caused Fjord to smile in response.

“Reading was a great escape during college. Literature is something I always-”

The waiter set Caleb’s mug in front of him, then placed the glass of tea in front of Fjord.

“Are you gentlemen ready to order?”

Fjord glanced to the unopened menu in front of him.

“Uh, we might need another minute or two,” Caleb explained. 

“Certainly,” the waiter replied knowingly before he once more pivoted on his heel and walked towards a different table.

Fjord opened the menu.

“But,  _ ja _ . I picked up writing shortly after I left the campus. The library is a stable enough income.”

“What kind of books do you write?”

“Oh, I mostly write historical fiction.” Caleb smirked as he spoke. “ _ Romantic _ historical fiction.”

“So you write smut,” Fjord replied jovially, the grin widening as Caleb shook his head.

“My books have taste.”

“I’m sure that’s what every smut writer says.”

“Enough about me,” Caleb stated with a flick of his wrist. Caleb took a sip of his coffee, and Fjord then remembered the drink in front of him. “Tell me about yourself.”

“Oh,” Fjord replied, looking up from the packets of sugar he was dumping into his sweet tea. “Er, there’s not really much to talk about.”

“None of that.” Caleb shook his head. “How long have you been doing construction work?”

“Couple of years now.” Fjord rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s just a job. Not a hobby or anything fancy like your books.”

“Then what would you like to do?”

Fjord blinked. Caleb’s question bounced around in his brain as he desperately searched for an answer to give. The hand on his knee tightened in a failed effort to calm his thoughts. It was a simple question, wasn’t it? 

What did Fjord want?

What would he like to do?

“Fjord. You don’t have to-”

“Fishin’,” Fjord replied as his eyes darted up to hold Caleb’s gaze. “I, uh, I’ve always been fascinated with the water. Y’know. The sea and the ocean and stuff. Would love to take a boat, or a yacht, or  _ something _ some time and go on a fishing trip.”

Caleb’s smile warmed Fjord, and he slowly let out a breath.

“That sounds lovely, Fjord.”

Footsteps approached, and Fjord’s gaze turned to the waiter.

“Are you gentlemen ready to order?”

_ Shit _ .

***

“You took  _ how  _ long to actually order your meal?”

“Long enough,” Fjord sighed. He sipped his white mocha latte as he took in Beau’s incredulous look. “I was distracted, okay?”

“He’s that hot?”

“I was freaking the fuck out, Beau!” Silence crept between the two as Beau knowingly took a swig of her coffee. “Also, yeah. It didn’t help that he was attractive.”

Beau grinned. “So it went well?”

“I’d hope so. We swapped numbers, after all.”

Beau’s eyes widened, and she seemed to make a very pointed effort to swallow her drink down. “Holy shit,” she mumbled. “I’m impressed.”

Fjord’s face flushed. “It’s just a phone number. It’s not-”

“Bullshit. I know that’s a huge step for you.” Beau lightly punched his arm, and his eyes flicked to her’s. “I’m happy for you, Fjord.”

“Thanks.”

“So, what are the plans for the second date?”

Fjord opened his mouth to explain that they ended the last date on a, ‘we’ll talk later’ note, but was interrupted by the sound of his phone vibrating in his pocket. He glanced at the screen.

**Fjord, would you be interested in going to the Damali Aquarium together? I don’t know if you’ve ever been.**

Fjord smiled at the phone before he looked back at Beau, who met his gaze with a knowing grin. 

“Apparently, an aquarium.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! As always, any and all kudos, comments, bookmarks, etc are greatly appreciated!


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